21 Nov Where to begin?
I have been devoured
Slowly eaten alive by my two small daughters, now aged five and two and a half. It was quite painful.
Thankfully parts of me were chewed and then spat out, what remains is a body that looks and feels unrecognizable from the one I had 5 years ago. Over this time my children blossomed into beautiful, heavenly creatures and I took firm steps towards old crone.
Internally, I really have no idea what’s left. Most days there’s so much external chatter going on, my brain is unable to have a single logical or sensible thought. Mentally I feel like I’ve forgotten everything I ever knew. Any wisdom or understanding of life, human nature, the way we move and why we move, has dissolved into something hazy, vague and muddled.
But what remains now stirs from a long and deep hibernation, as the cyclical nature of life continues and my babies no longer require my constant attention, I now have the time to explore who I have been and what I am to become.
As I do this, I recognise that there has been one life long source of joy, inspiration and sanctuary, and that is my relationship with the wild. The attention I have given this most important of relationships has ebbed and flowed throughout time, but in the past five years it has increasingly become home to my sanity.
On the most exhausting of days the cool winds breathe life back into my weary soul, the sunlight warms my humour and lightheartedness, and the roar of a river softens the constant noise of children.
As I begin to make plans for the future and think about how I might want that to unfold, I know that my love of the outdoors and my beliefs about how important it is for women to experience joy in nature, must be woven together with my yoga practice and teaching.
So as I start to weave, I wonder where would be best to begin?
And the simplest of practices comes to mind because it can be with you wherever you roam.
Punctuating each inhale and exhale there is a tiny pause, so brief it mostly goes unnoticed.
Whilst simultaneously being the past, the present and the future, it is neither a beginning nor an end. It feels like everything and nothing and it can take you everywhere and nowhere.
It has always been there waiting patiently for me to notice it and recently, to return to it. To allow all conscious thought to rest in it.
Notice the pause before the inhale and rest there a moment.
Notice the pause before the exhale and rest there a moment.
So if you’re ready let’s start there, let’s start at the pause before the next inhale.